Whoa its been quite a long time!
Quick run down of recent days:
New Years Eve Day = Perfect day with Leandra, Chris, Chetta (leandra's roommate from MSU) and Evelyn
New Years Eve itself = real fun night with Hills kids and a few extra :) (Greeny came!!)
New Years Day = good brunch, good day
Monday = NEW CAR 2005 Santa Fe 2.7 L v6 "shiftronic" fun, climbing with Victor, Christine, Chris at Victors Rock Gym - super fun; slept over Christine's
Tuesday = Roman came home from Cali so hung out with him in the AM and then again with him later on with Varoon and Ryan too.
Wednesday = errands with Mom then diner with Tennis girls, Amber, Justin and Jaime

good times so far - lovin' it.

so thanksgiving break was wonderful. it was so nice being with family. we're in a tiny apartment in morristown while in transit to our house in jefferson. i really thought id be so upset to not go home home but to go to the apartment, but this break taught me that home really is where the heart is. i had such a nice relaxing few days. haha i dont want to move from the apartment now!
today the juggling club (which im officially vice president of!) won club of the semester in rutgers so thats exciting. we're going to be in our school newspaper somtime soon. tomorrow we're gonna be in the home newstribune. so i went to juggling club and had fun like always. then ro called me to give blood. ive always been scared but i knew coming into this yr i wanted to do it cuz the pain it would cause me would be nothing compared to the benifits it would bring someone else. anyway when i got back to america, i was almsot relieved to find out that i couldnt give blood for a yr because i had practiacly jumped in malaria by spending so much time in india and thialand. i told ro how i couldnt give blood yet and he said these people dont mind that i traveled. i found it was to create stem-cell data base using a small amount of my blood so that in the future if someone would match me, i coudl offer them bone-marrow trans[plant. pia from www.matchpia.org and she truely inspired me to participate. a survivor of leukemia and just a really strong happy person, she inspires me.
later i spent time with the thailand kids - so nice
then went to the winterwonderland and had a wondreful time at the dance
then the thai kids and i hung out some more
and then i spent alot of time with dorm kids
just a great day all together.

so finally after quite a long time, yesterday felt good. I woke up at 8:45 to play basketball wtih Greeny @ 9:00. Wow he schooled me - infact i think he now owns the word school. It was still really fun though to get moving so early. I went to some meetings, then to orgo and later played tennis. Then I hung out with Roman Amber and Mike and went to see EZ perform in his stand-up troup "A for Effort". They were hilarious. We all sincerely had some great laughs. Later we went back to EZ's and chilled there for a bit followed by playing catch-up with Shanon and then some quality Wajdi time. At around 2:00 I went upstairs 'cuz I heard Alex (a friend who graduated) was here to visit - spent time with Alex, Laura, Emily and Wajdi for another couple hours. Eventually I fell asleep being pretty glad with the way I spent my past 19 hours. On an upswing.

wow, this is alot harder to keep up with that i expected. So I had a terrible evening Thursday - just really emotinally rough - stuff about Thailand - which I cried/talked out so I dont feel the need to further share that day. Roman took a walk with me and it was just so nice to have someone so nearby who I trust aboslutely that could seemingly magicaly make everything better. Later that evening I ended up had a really fun night. But besides that one night my week was just okay. I'm not used to having just okay weeks. Anyway, I wasnt very productive and felt pretty restless. I'm allowing this week to drift me away from God and it scares me. I'm finding myself thinking/feeling things out of the ordinary for "me" and through prayer and action I'm trying to set my mind back on track. Today for example, I actually had a pretty productive day - but I just wasn't happy. I think the majority of this is stemming from a basic feeling of lonliness. I know I have wonderful friends and a really supportive family, but im missing something and im sure of it. I finally realize that no one understands me fully. I've always had the comfort of knowing that I'm understood, but that's changed. Many people understand bits and pieces of my life, but I dont feel anyone can just sit with me and know me perfectly. And when all else failed, I always knew that God knows my completely but that hasnt been comforting me nearly as much as it should. And when i think these things it upsets me because I'm used to counting my blessings when I'm down to realize that atleast i do have my family and friends and what else could I possibly need? Anyway, I think I'm kind of confused with what i want. Its a new sort of confusion. I think I'm done wondering who I am or where I'm going - I'm surpsingly confident of these things. I want to be understood.

http://www.worldonfire.ca/

oh. our house had its closing today. 19 wonderful years in Rockaway. i'll miss you. alot.

I definitely really suck at this whole blogger thing. Let see – had a nice weekend. Mom and Dad came up for the football game. I totally gave them a pre game talk with paper and pen and everything so they could attleast sorta follow the game. I must say they did pretty well. Mom knows what the quarterback does and Dad even knows what a blitz is! Lol anyway, we had a lot of fun. What else…I played tennis twice this weekend. I played indoors although it was GORGEOUS out. I don’t understand how I could wear a t-shirt out in November, but I’m not about to question its awesomeness. I lectured at church and I had a preceptor meeting and a Thai group meeting.

Today I took a three hour long nap – it was awesome, but now its midnight and im already tired and ready for bed – youd think id be up for doing some more work – but no, sleep will win out.

Our Thai presentation is tomorrow – I have very unexpected feelings about it. I feel like no matter how much I describe or explain I’ll never have the ability to offer a portrayal of the summer. And while I’ve tried to share my life with those I’m close with (some of you may say I do so too much lol), I feel there is so much I’ve been through none of which I can relate to anyone in this world with – which I now finally understand that this autonomy/isolation is okay. Although we were made to be social creatures, we were also made individually. I still enjoy sharing little stories, but I’m don’t have the desire to share my stories with people I don’t know. As much as I would like them to know me – its just not possible. I like to think I’m a pretty simple person, yet life has made me so complex…I guess we’ll see how it goes.

so i updated today. but it got erased somehow before i posted it :( no time for another.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE!!

So last night after I posted I spent a good deal of my evening playing guns with Jill (my suitemate) and talking to Greeny. Both were great. I probably should have done more orgo though ... oh boy. Later Ju (my friend from Thailand) called me on my computer. Although we've been writing emails regularly, I was SOOO happy to hear her voice. I didnt even know what to say - i was just in awe to actually be speak with her. We sung chang chang chang and laughed like we were back in Khao Lak. There isn't a day that goes by without deep reflection on my summer. I miss them so much that it hurts - but as Nick reasons(my friend from London who i spent alot of time with in Laem Pom0) he both cant live in the past, and i know i cant either. Speaking of Nick, he's recently emailed me telling me that hes gonna take me up on my offer to be his NYC tourguide and hes gonna come visit!!!! I'm soo happy to hear that - i still need to reply :/ and let him know when is best for me. He's wonderful. Oh today I accidently set my alarm for 8:00 PM instead of 8:00 AM and missed my bio lab. Missing a lab is a really big stab on your grade - so i lied and told them some medical excuse. They were so friendly and gave me a make up lab date. I knew if I told them the truth, Id be penilized and so I'd basically jsut be stupid for doing so - cuz everyone sleeps in and goes to the make up - its not a big deal. But I feel awful about it anyway, thats a little bit of integrity i just lost for myself. :'(
Anyway, my Physics TA and I exchanged riddles - we'll give eachother the answers next week in recitation - im trying so hard not to let myself think about his riddle yet, 'cuz i need to focus on other things - but gah, im such a nerd, i just wanna solve it!
Tonight we had our Halloween Party - it was really nice. Its so exciting to realize how last yr at the dance I basically only knew my suite and now this year I knew the majority of the people and really enjoyed myself. I <3 McCormick. BED TIME!
Happy Halloween!